Decades from now, J.E. Swearington may be forgotten. He has not been immortalized in film or book, but he makes us laugh just the same. His is a different medium. He writes reviews on Amazon.com.

A review for HOOAH! Energy Bar, Apple Cinnamon, 15 pack:

Just ate one of these mean mothers and word of God can't stop typing or doing anything it's worse than when I thought my youngest kid's Adderol was the Advil took three of those couldn't stop talking called everyone did you just hear that pigeon across the street cause I sure did oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap I think I'm starting to crash and now sleepy gonna go sle

A review of Scent Shield Hunt Mate Easy Off Face Camo"

This is perfect for stalking prey in the forest, but perhaps a few more colors would be great, for other enviroments. I think a taupe would be great for blending in with vinyl siding, a deep red for pressing up against brick walls, or a pale blue and white combo, for remaining undetected while peering in through a window as the pale flickerings of a family (used to be your family but now just a family, any family, no more connection to you than to any of the other thousands of faces you pass by everyday and oh Jesus) watching television.

A review of Toddler Boys' Miles Brown Boat Shoes:

These shoes are working out great for our youngest son, Branathyn, but I found, after he was wearing them for a while, that I had to make some changes. First of all, we put some new laces in, because the old ones we're a little "raggedy." Secondly I cut the tongue out to keep the shoes from whispering lies in the dark of the night and poisoning my son against me.

The full list of the reviews can be found here. I highly recommend them. Hat tip: Sadly No!