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July 07, 2005
Adventures of Acinom # 7.2: Percoset Experiment
Well it was 4th of July weekend. Because of the wisdom teeth surgery, I got an extra long weekend. I stayed at my grandfather’s house and my uncles came in for the weekend.
Now I learned the day after the surgery that Percoset and Australian beer did not play well nicely. So on Saturday, 2 days after mouth surgery, I decided to run an experiment to test whether domestic beer would work better with percoset. You know, it being an American drug and all.
Not so much. With a start time of 3 PM, the uncles, cousins, and I all thought it would be super neat to have a beer pong tournament on the deck of my grandfather’s house. After thirty minutes, it was decided that Budwieser did not play nice and I became rather inebriated. The uncles and cousins not wanting to leave a brother in arms behind decided that they needed to increase their alcohol intake so that they could catch up.
I’ll tell ya, the hardest part of beer pong on a deck, aside of course from getting the ball inside that goddamn dixie cup, is trying to keep errant ping pong balls from bouncing off the deck. That and trying to prevent drunks from falling one story because they think diving halfway off the edge of the deck and saving the ball is a noble cause.
Well, a couple of city noise ordnance violations later, my grandfather herded us inside to keep the noise level down. He had us sit with him and watch his favorite show on PBS: The Lawrence Welk Show.
My God. Keep the painkillers coming.
There’s not much I can say to describe the Welk Show other than to say it is definitely part of a by-gone era. Check it out on PBS if you are really interested. Here’s a snapshot of the situation: six drunken relatives singing along to a country duet version of John Denver’s ever powerful, “Country Road (Take Me Home).”
Believe it or not Sequin Jacket Guy, Guy Hovis, sang his way into Senator Trent Lott's Chief of Staff slot after over-qualifying himself for political office by being a cast member of the, you guessed it, Lawrence Welk Show for several years. Country Road......
Looking back I doubt if I’ll ever get that hour of my life back, but I guess it did Grandpa some good. He was tickled to death that for the first time in 20 years he had somebody to watch the Lawrence Welk Show with.
By the way, the results of my experiment: Beer origin, whether foreign or domestic, have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on compatibility with domestic percoset. In other words, unless you want to end up taking more percoset to deal with the pain of a beer/percoset-laced hangover, DON’T FUCKING MIX THEM. Its like having a civil union between George Bush and Jon Stewart. Pretty picture? Not so much.
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