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July 07, 2005
Adventures of Acinom # 7.1
First of all, I’m going to have to apologize for this submission of the Adventures of Acinom.
I mean let’s be honest: I was probably way too ambitious using “adventure” in the title of my word vomit.
(Wow: it’s like every lousy introduction warning my English teacher ever gave me just popped into my head….and you know what? I’m still too stubborn to change it.)
It’s not my fault though. I had my wisdom teeth taken out last week after what was supposed to be a simple trip to the Dentist for my six month cleaning. Needless to say (that is the most useless and redundant figure of speech in HUMAN HISTORY) I didn’t get to “adventure” much last week….. Well, maybe just a little. So this week I’m going to break it out in little mini-shorter-short-stories. But I’ll start out with “10 Things I Said After Getting My 3rd Molars Pulled.”
“10 Things I Said After Getting My 3rd Molars Pulled”
DISCLAIMER: During most of these I was either on Painkillers, Oxygen or whatever they give you to knock you out. Unfortunately I wasn’t completely knocked out because they needed me to quit snoring and kept having me take deep breaths throughout the procedure. Fun times. Seriously.
10. (To Oral Surgeon while on all sorts of drugs) “THAT FUCKING HURTS MAN!”
9. (Again to Oral Surgeon) “Make sure it’s the right tooths your getting, Chief. And I better only be missing four when I wake up.”
8. (Yet Again to Surgeon) “Dude. Seriously….Your secretary is smoking....SMOKING HOT!!!!”
7. (To Nurse right after saying #8) “Hi. HOW YOU DOIN???”
6. (Following surgery) “If you screwed up make sure it’s something that will keep me from going back to work…..Forever.”
5. (Upon learning that I was getting a Percoset prescription) “No Days of Thunder fans here huh? He can shove those vitamins and exercise UP HIS ASS!” (High five to the nurse)
4. (To Nurse) “War of the Worlds came out yesterday. Want to see it?”
3. (To Sister driving me home) “Complete stopping is for the birds.”
2. (Upon reading Percoset warning label to “DO NOT take with alcohol”) “Oh they must mean hard alcohol.”
1. (After mixing Percoset and Foster’s) “OK. They meant all alcohol.” (THUD as body hits the floor)
More Percoset induced mini-shorter-short-stories posts to follow.
Posted by Acinom the Intern at 12:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack